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Humorous Quotes


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By perseverance the snail reached the ark.

    Author: Charles Spurgeon

Women, can't live with them, can't live without them.

    Author: Desiderius Erasmus

I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.

    Author: Francis Bacon

Lying in bed would be an altogether perfect and supreme experience if only one had a colored pencil long enough to draw on the ceiling.

    Author: G.K. Chesterton

Man is an exception, whatever else he is. If he is not the image of God, then he is a disease of the dust. If it is not true that a divine being fell, then we can only say that one of the animals went entirely off its head.

    Author: G.K. Chesterton

Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.

    Author: G.K. Chesterton

Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much.

    Author: G.K. Chesterton

New roads; new ruts.

    Author: G.K. Chesterton

The only way of catching a train I have ever discovered is to miss the train before.

    Author: G.K. Chesterton

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

    Author: G.K. Chesterton

The formula 'Two and two make five' is not without its attractions.

    Author: Fyodor Dostoevsky

When I was young, I said to God, "God, tell me the mystery of the universe." But God answered, "That knowledge is reserved for me alone." So I said, "God, tell me the mystery of the peanut." Then God said, "Well George, that's more nearly your size." And he told me.

    Author: George Washington Carver

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